Part 3 - The Recruit
Another year at GT Elementary is almost over, and I can say it has been the worst year ever. It looks like every year I come back the teasing and name calling gets worse. I'm really not looking forward to 5th grade. Many kids don't understand what I feel every single day. This isn't ordinary teasing that comes when a kid doesn't like you or is just playing around. I can't really explain the difference, but I know it is. Here are a few of the many insults I get a day, "You don't like sports? Boy you're gay." "I bet you are gonna like boys when you get older." "You keep singing, like a fag." I wish I could say I ignore it and it means nothing to me, but I would be lying. They laugh at me when I walk pass them. The make fun of the way I talk and laugh. The feeling I get when I hear these things never get any better. It hurts me just trying to explain it. I don't think I'm supposed to feel sad, angry, lonely, embarrassed, confused, and hurt all at the same time. God, I'm just a kid.
I want the guys to be my friends and I want the girls to like me. So here I am trying to change myself hoping that would make everything better. I figured if I play basketball then I wouldn't be called names anymore, but I just couldn't get into it. No matter how many times I told myself "you are having fun" or "You are just like the rest of the guys now," I knew it wasn't true. I like to sing and dance. I think about it when I wake up and before I go to bed. I even dream about it. But to the boys at school, that was for girls, and so to them that's what I was, a little girl. Trying to be like them didn't help. I continued to be teased. This made me feel even worst. Apparently whatever is wrong with me, I can't change it no matter how hard I try. At this point, I don't really care to be on Earth anymore.
The one thing that keeps me from going crazy is my family. My dad and mom love me and my siblings more than anything. I love spending time with my family but still wanted to have friends to share my interest with. One Sunday at church, my big cousin brought his school's choir to sing. An all boys choir walks up. They are all my age. They performed and they sounded great. They were not ashamed to stand up there and sing. The whole time I watched all I could think was "I wish I could be a part of that choir."